Beauty For Ashes
I haven't posted a blog in almost 4 months, but it hasn't been because I haven't been writing. I've been pouring out my soul to God in my journals as I sat with Him in our secret place. If I'm being completely honest, I know God silenced me on purpose. God knew beforehand the season I would be walking through and He didn't want my pain to taint my perspective. My pen, my words and how I present my story has an impact. So before God would release me to write, He ensured that I was healed. While my healing journey is an ongoing process, I can truly say I am grateful for everything that I've endured these past 8 months.
When I started the year praying and fasting with my children and claiming that 2022 would be the year of double blessings, I never imagined it would be like this. I never imagined I would have moments when it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I never imagined I would have pain that ran so deep there were no words to describe it's depth.
I need you to understand that I am not a stranger to heartache, disappointment or pain. I've been through hard times before, I've found triumph in the mist of tragedy before, I've trusted God for a breakthrough in brokenness before, but this time it was different. This time my prayers didn't move the mountain. This time no matter how loud I cried out to God, He didn't seem to hear me and move on my behalf.
My entire life was on fire and I had to watch everything I'd been working years to build burn to the ground. When you're going through the fiery furnace and you're use to being rescued by a faithful God, it's easy to quote Daniel 3:18. It's easy to shout, "Even if He doesn't", when He always has. God has always came through for me before and I was believing He would again. I was believing that I would go through the fire and come out just like the 3 Hebrew boys, "not having a hair on my head singed, not a piece of my clothing scorched, and not even smelling like smoke". So to find myself surrounded by devastation and all that was left were ashes was overwhelming to me.
As I found myself sitting in the ashes and experiencing depression for the first time in my life, I came to know God on a different level. I thought I knew Him before, but MY GOD!!! When I ran out of tears to cry and I couldn't find the words to pray I learned to just rest in Him. I learned that God was everything I needed and more. Heavy on the AND MORE part. I experienced His healing power as He mended my broken heart. I experienced His delivering power as He took away my anger and bitterness and replaced it with compassion. I experienced His resuscitation power as He breathed new life into my nostrils.
God continues to hold my hand as I'm learning how to walk again. He had truly given me a crown of beauty for my ashes. Now that I am officially released to write. I'm looking forward to sharing my story.
Stay tuned.
Be blessed!!
