Stepping Out the Boat: Faith Over Fear

My God!! I can't believe that I am FINALLY creating this blog. It has been a LONG time coming. For years, God has been speaking to me about writing the vision and making it plain. I have journals upon journals of conversations with God that I've kept locked away in my closet. I've kept them locked away out of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of feeling inadequate, fear of speaking MY truth, and fear of the unknown. I mean who really desired to read what I had to write, and if they did read what I had to write, what would they think about me.

Over this past year with the pandemic and being at home, I had a lot of time to pray, to think, to self evaluate and to really pour out my heart to God. Talking to God was different this time, I was more intimate and more vulnerable. I was actively praying for God's direction, and for God to reveal things in me that were not like Him. Through these prayers, God called me out on a LOT of my issues. There was a lot that God had to reveal to me in order for me to be healed.

The first thing that God revealed to me was my need for validation. I was more concerned about what people thought of me, opposed to who God CALLED me to be. For years I would not go forth with something God placed in my Spirit to do because I didn't get the support and the approval I FELT I needed. God showed me that I needed to be seeking HIS CONFIRMATION and not people's VALIDATION. God's approval and God's well done was all that I REALLY needed.

Another thing that God revealed to me was my lack of discipline and consistency. No amount of prayer would make up for the fact that I was a procrastinator. I would use my kids, my job, my responsibilities as a wife and my busy schedule as an EXCUSE to not walk in my purpose. God had to deal with me (and if I'm honest, He's STILL dealing with me) on the fact that being called by Him is a privilege. It is an absolute honor that God would use someone like me to accomplish His will. Any time God is leading us to do something, it's for a reason. We have no idea who's going to be blessed because of our obedience.

The last thing I will talk about, is how God revealed to me how afraid I was to "get out of the boat". I was afraid to step into the unknown. I was afraid to put myself out there publicly. I mean what if I failed? What if I sank? What if I made a fool of myself? It was in this moment of sitting in the sea of "what ifs" that I got to the root of the real issue. Fear was only the symptom, the root was my LACK OF FAITH. I did not have faith in God. I did not trust Him enough to keep me from sinking when He called me out upon the water. I found myself literally stuck in the boat STAGNANT. Stagnant means not moving, confined, inactive, slow moving, lifeless, depressed, DEAD. I was becoming dead Spiritually sitting in that boat.

Thanks be unto GOD that He did not leave me there. Slowly God started to speak to my heart. He started to chip away the fear by reminding me of my past and how He's ALWAYS kept me. He gradually drew me out of the boat. He told me to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus. He gave me small tasks like send an encouraging email, post a FB status showing moments of transparency, make your weight loss journey public, reactivate the Village Women's Support group I placed in your heart, start taking notes for the book. Each of these small tasks were getting me further and further away from the boat. Each of these small tasks were tippy toed steps upon the water.

So I find myself here. I find myself typing with with tears in my eyes in complete unbelief. God has been faithful!! God has gotten me out of the boat and He is allowing me to WALK on water!! This blog for me is personal. It's therapeutic. It's my Life and it is my Story. It is God giving me beauty for ashes. It is God reminding me that He sees me. It is God telling me to dream again!!