My Salvation Story: My Testimony
God is the most important thing in my life, so it's imperative that I share my salvation story. I told you that I would always be honest and transparent. My past is not pretty. I have made a LOT of mistakes. I am not ashamed to share my past because I know that God uses all of my brokenness for my good. My pain was purposeful and it has made me who I am today. In Luke 7:47 it says, "Therefore I will tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that is why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little." God knows everything about me and He still chose me. He has forgiven me, healed me and redeemed me. Because of His faithfulness to me I am compelled to love. My desire to love, uplift, encourage, and inspire others was birthed out of God's forgiveness.
I first started writing out my testimony in 2018 as a part of a Bible Study exercise. When I was reading the assigned scriptures for that week the Holy Spirit started piecing together my salvation story. I was able to see how God strategically drew me to Him during a very dark time in my life. In the mist of darkness, God became the light of my life. I often revisit my testimony making revisions as the Spirit leads. My story is still being written but here is the beginning...…
I didn't grow up in church. I mean I knew of God but I didn't KNOW Him. I didn't have a personal relationship with Him. It wasn't until I was 26 years old that I gave my life to Christ, before that time I was in open rebellion.
Living my Life in Rebellion
Even though I wasn't “saved” the Holy Spirit did speak to me from time to time. I would feel Him when He nudged me and heard Him when He whispered directions in my ear, but I ignored Him. I continued to live my life the way I wanted to. I stayed in a relationship that God told me to leave. I had sex even though He convicted me and I knew it was wrong. I would drink alcohol and smoke weed all the while ignoring God urging me to change my behavior. I had an abortion when I found out I was pregnant, only to turn around and get pregnant again not even a year and a half later. I moved in with my boyfriend even though the Holy Spirit told me not to. I found myself with 2 kids that were born 15 months a part. I didn't have a job and I didn't feel like my life had purpose.
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. My boyfriend and I decided to get married in hopes that it would strengthen our relationship. We were not ready for marriage. The planning of our wedding was a disaster. It’s crazy how we made it work as boyfriend and girlfriend for 9 years living in sin, but couldn't keep it together living as husband and wife. This is when God started working behind the scenes.
Cause Me to Know the Way (Psalm 143)
Psalm 143 in the CSB version is titled "A Cry for Help". This entire Psalm is speaking about when the enemy is on our heels and we are in a dry place spiritually, mentally and emotionally. It is in these dry places that we begin to reflect on God. We remember the great things He’s done in our lives and we begin to cry out to Him and pray for Him to rescue us and show us the way to go.
So back track a little. I told you guys that I gave my life to Christ when I was 26 years old. That was exactly a month before I got married. God was pursing me and He was persistent. I mean I literally had restless nights because God kept talking to me. I would toss and turn all night long because I would feel Him drawing me. I felt Him leading me to join church. So one Sunday I decided to attend church. I can't tell you what the sermon was about, but I knew I had to join. I remember walking down the aisle when then the doors of the church were opened and it just felt RIGHT.
However, I was still a babe in Christ and I wasn't REALLY living for God completely. It wasn’t until my husband and I separated and I was thrown head first into single motherhood with only a temp job that I began to cry out to God. I really mean CRY OUT!! My life was in complete chaos and the enemy was kicking my butt. I begged God to change me, give me direction and help me to know Him for real, He heard me and He moved on my behalf.
He Gives Me Power (Isaiah 40:27-31)
Even though I was developing a deeper relationship with God, there were still times when things were difficult for me and I found myself questioning God. Was He really there for me? Did He really love me? Did He really care?
It's in these moments that we have to understand that HE IS THERE for us. Even in our pain and struggles God is there. He is the everlasting God and He will never leave us. When we are tired and weary we can turn to God and He will give us strength. Hallelujah!!!
God heard me. Even in my doubt and my questioning, He heard me!!! He started pouring into me and speaking to me through His Word, different devotionals and my Pastor. God led me, and carried me through that season of my life. At that time I was really new to the faith so I mostly did daily devotionals on the YouVersion Bible App. Those devotionals were like a bread crumbs for me, showing me which direction God wanted to me go. I didn’t make a decision at that time in my life until I read my devotional or got confirmation on Sunday at church.
It was the hardest time in my life, yet the greatest time in my life because I came to know God as my Father for real. I came to know Jesus as my Savior for real. I came to know the Holy Spirit as my comforter and guide for real. God started telling me that I needed to pray for my husband and started showing me what marriage looked like through His eyes. I could see how my husband treated me was the way I was treating God, and Oh My God, that gave me perspective. Through my life, God showed me what He meant when He said that marriage was like Christ and His church. At my lowest point God gave me strength and allowed me to mount up on wings like eagles. I was running this race of life and not growing weary. I was walking this Christian walk and not fainting.
Taking Up My Cross (Luke 9:23-27)
I was presented with a choice. If I wanted to be a disciple of Jesus I had to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow Him. This Christian journey has not been easy. God has used trials, dry seasons and rough patches to buff me out and conform me to the image of His son Jesus Christ. God has also used miracles, blessings and abundant provisions to remind me of how much He loves me. My God is the God of the Hills and Valleys. As the popular song says, "On the mountains, I will bow my life to the one who set me there. In the valley, I will lift eyes to the one who sees me there. When I'm standing on the mountain, I didn't get there on my own. When I'm walking through the valley, I know I am not alone."
Praise God for His faithfulness. My husband and I reconciled after a year a half of being apart. It was the best thing that ever happened to either of us. God loved us SO much that He had to break us, completely rebuild our foundation and restore us. Since then our marriage is much stronger. We've been blessed with another daughter who is 5 now. She was the perfect piece to complete our family puzzle. Our older children are 12 and 11, and God is blessing our family in a mighty way!! Our latter house shall be GREATER than our former.
Daily I am striving to stand on God's Word, renew my mind and walk in obedience. It is my forever journey to be more than a believer, but a disciple. In order to be a disciple though there are things I need to do. I have to deny myself which means it’s not about me. It’s not about what I want, but what God wants for me. It’s about staying in my Word and allowing the Holy Spirit to give me understanding. It’s about picking up my cross and following Jesus. Which means, my entire life should be about advancing the Kingdom of God and becoming more life Jesus in my thoughts, my behavior and my service to others.
God has blessed me abundantly since I gave my life to Him. He has completely transformed me from the person I use to be. While I am STILL on the potter's wheel, God has done a great work. He has mended a lot of the broken pieces in my life. He is continuing to refine me with fire. Daily I am learning to walk in the freedom and the newness that comes from being a new creature in Christ. I am a Sunday school teacher at my church. I am blessed that God birthed through me a Women's Support Ministry called The Village. I have been blessed to lose 35 pounds (and counting), and my weight loss journey is publicized on my Facebook and Instagram pages. And this is ONLY the beginning of what God has in store for me.
God is my EVERYTHING!! He permeates every area of my existence. I cannot do life without Him. I do not WANT to do life without Him. Like I said, God is still writing my story, but I can honestly say He's the best part.
